I have so many thoughts after reading your personal story, so forgive me if I ramble!
I was also in a bit of depression, off and on, and went to several therapists. Part of my sadness was relocating to a town where I had no friends (except a boyfriend, now husband) and no family. I tried and tried to be happy, because on paper, I had "everything I had ever wanted" and worked for. I read books on "how to be happy", wrote journals regarding my good days and bad days. Oprah suggested writing three things that you are grateful for every day. When I would go on vacation, I would reflect on what made me happy and write it down, so I wouldn't forget when I got back into my real life. (Hindsight: this was silly, because if something made me happy, I wouldn't forget!) Anyways, nothing really worked. I had good days, bad days, but seemed to be on a roller coaster.
I am not a religious person, either, more intellectually curious about religion (I have attended a Unitarian Universalist "church", which I loved, because they spoke about the BIG picture ideals that every religion has: love, hope, community, etc.). This helped me think of things other than myself. Volunteering also helps get out of your funk and help those less fortunate than you. I had a tough time being down-in-the-dumps with my own life when I was volunteering for a battered women's shelter, because some of these women had literally been living in hell and fear. There are more low-key places to volunteer, too, that can help lift your spirits.
A book that a therapist recommended also helped: Taming the Gremlin. It is almost like a children's book with little text and many pictures, but it takes the blame of depression off of you, and puts it onto a gremlin. Like diane said, the depression (or Gremlin) doesn't want you to think positively.
What has helped me get over my depression is both big and small. I moved back near family. I quit my job that was not a good fit for me, but I didn't realize it at the time. I stopped bickering with my husband. I joined some female "special interest" groups and feel like I have more friends than at any other time in my life (it's taken nine months to feel like these acquaintances are friends).
Do you know what makes you happy? Do you have a good social support network of friends? (Friends are difficult to come by as adults!). Do you feel valued and understood by your fiance? It's OK to say "no" to any of these; because they can be improved without drastic measures! For me, just being "real" with myself has made all the difference. I was finally honest with saying some things in my life were not right, and I needed to change them. Like you said, life is short...and we have the power to make things better!
In the end, I realize I was TRYING to be happy, now I AM happy. If you are not happy right now, just acknowledge it, because it really is OK: you can change things, talk to people, make friends, change careers, try yoga or meditating...you can be happy. (oh--it's not a bad thing to be sad, either. Life's regular "down" moments make for better "up" moments).
Have you been diagnosed with depression from your therapist? Have you tried any medication?
Last thought: I have a two-year old son. I was like you, and did not have a biological clock ticking (I am 33), but I did want children in my life in the future. I just decided that it was "now or never" since I didn't have that "baby urge". Our son has changed our life in every way, and it has all been for the better. I do feel like I have a bigger purpose in life now, but I also feel like I have my own purpose in life, aside from my son. I love being a mom, but also love being independent and a person I would want to "hang out" with!
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What a great post, thanks for sharing.
I have so many thoughts after reading your personal story, so forgive me if I ramble!
I was also in a bit of depression, off and on, and went to several therapists. Part of my sadness was relocating to a town where I had no friends (except a boyfriend, now husband) and no family. I tried and tried to be happy, because on paper, I had "everything I had ever wanted" and worked for. I read books on "how to be happy", wrote journals regarding my good days and bad days. Oprah suggested writing three things that you are grateful for every day. When I would go on vacation, I would reflect on what made me happy and write it down, so I wouldn't forget when I got back into my real life. (Hindsight: this was silly, because if something made me happy, I wouldn't forget!) Anyways, nothing really worked. I had good days, bad days, but seemed to be on a roller coaster.
I am not a religious person, either, more intellectually curious about religion (I have attended a Unitarian Universalist "church", which I loved, because they spoke about the BIG picture ideals that every religion has: love, hope, community, etc.). This helped me think of things other than myself. Volunteering also helps get out of your funk and help those less fortunate than you. I had a tough time being down-in-the-dumps with my own life when I was volunteering for a battered women's shelter, because some of these women had literally been living in hell and fear. There are more low-key places to volunteer, too, that can help lift your spirits.
A book that a therapist recommended also helped: Taming the Gremlin. It is almost like a children's book with little text and many pictures, but it takes the blame of depression off of you, and puts it onto a gremlin. Like diane said, the depression (or Gremlin) doesn't want you to think positively.
What has helped me get over my depression is both big and small. I moved back near family. I quit my job that was not a good fit for me, but I didn't realize it at the time. I stopped bickering with my husband. I joined some female "special interest" groups and feel like I have more friends than at any other time in my life (it's taken nine months to feel like these acquaintances are friends).
Do you know what makes you happy? Do you have a good social support network of friends? (Friends are difficult to come by as adults!). Do you feel valued and understood by your fiance? It's OK to say "no" to any of these; because they can be improved without drastic measures! For me, just being "real" with myself has made all the difference. I was finally honest with saying some things in my life were not right, and I needed to change them. Like you said, life is short...and we have the power to make things better!
In the end, I realize I was TRYING to be happy, now I AM happy. If you are not happy right now, just acknowledge it, because it really is OK: you can change things, talk to people, make friends, change careers, try yoga or meditating...you can be happy. (oh--it's not a bad thing to be sad, either. Life's regular "down" moments make for better "up" moments).
Have you been diagnosed with depression from your therapist? Have you tried any medication?
Last thought: I have a two-year old son. I was like you, and did not have a biological clock ticking (I am 33), but I did want children in my life in the future. I just decided that it was "now or never" since I didn't have that "baby urge". Our son has changed our life in every way, and it has all been for the better. I do feel like I have a bigger purpose in life now, but I also feel like I have my own purpose in life, aside from my son. I love being a mom, but also love being independent and a person I would want to "hang out" with!
Best wishes!
November 2, 2008 - 8:35pmThis Comment
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