I think that only someone who has lived it can understand the wrenching emotional battles that occur when you live with someone who is chronically ill. My husband and I have been married for 18 years. About a year into our marriage, he was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, which is a terminal illness, but dialysis and organ transplantation can help extend life. For 15 years, I watched him get sicker and sicker, dying by inches. A year and a half ago, he finally received a kidney transplant, and has been much better. However, the price of living with his illness has been high. We did not have children. Sex became scarce, and then non-existent. Over the years, I became less of a wife, and more of a nurse, housekeeper, best friend, and roommate, since we ceased sleeping in the same room/bed long ago because of his illness, but I loved him and remained faithful. I never thought of leaving him until after he got his transplant. I know I was hoping that as he recovered, we could rebuild our intimacy and sex life, but that is not happening. We have talked about it several times, and he is simply not interested, nor is he willing to get counseling, with or without me. About a month ago, I started having an emotional affair with a co-worker, and now am seriously contemplating having sex with him. I am also going through huge internal emotional battles, because I want so much more than what I have, but feel a lot of pressure to stay, since the transplant is showing signs of rejection. I feel that I have set my own wants, needs, and desires aside for a very long time, with a sense of hope, but now that hope seems to be lost, and I really am thinking about moving on. I have looked for resources about women who face this dilemma, and have found precious little.
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I think that only someone who has lived it can understand the wrenching emotional battles that occur when you live with someone who is chronically ill. My husband and I have been married for 18 years. About a year into our marriage, he was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, which is a terminal illness, but dialysis and organ transplantation can help extend life. For 15 years, I watched him get sicker and sicker, dying by inches. A year and a half ago, he finally received a kidney transplant, and has been much better. However, the price of living with his illness has been high. We did not have children. Sex became scarce, and then non-existent. Over the years, I became less of a wife, and more of a nurse, housekeeper, best friend, and roommate, since we ceased sleeping in the same room/bed long ago because of his illness, but I loved him and remained faithful. I never thought of leaving him until after he got his transplant. I know I was hoping that as he recovered, we could rebuild our intimacy and sex life, but that is not happening. We have talked about it several times, and he is simply not interested, nor is he willing to get counseling, with or without me. About a month ago, I started having an emotional affair with a co-worker, and now am seriously contemplating having sex with him. I am also going through huge internal emotional battles, because I want so much more than what I have, but feel a lot of pressure to stay, since the transplant is showing signs of rejection. I feel that I have set my own wants, needs, and desires aside for a very long time, with a sense of hope, but now that hope seems to be lost, and I really am thinking about moving on. I have looked for resources about women who face this dilemma, and have found precious little.
August 19, 2009 - 6:35pmThis Comment
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