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Being the Mother of an Asperger's Child

 
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Being the mother of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome is difficult. It can be even worse when parents don’t know their child has it. Although an official diagnosis can hit hard it can also be the key to understanding the neurological disorder.

Asperger’s Syndrome is part of the Autism spectrum with symptoms and characteristics that vary from child to child. It’s difficult for parents to understand why their child is off by his or herself while the rest of the kids are playing together and having fun, or why even though the child seems incredibly intelligent he or she may not be doing well in school.

Asperger’s patients can present with symptoms taken from other disorders that may include OCD, ADHD and PDD. They may be sensitive to taste, light and sound, or they may have an aversion to water. Most Asperger’s kids have a very hard time dealing with any change or transition.

It can be maddening trying to string together symptoms that just don’t add up leaving parents puzzled and frustrated. Even trying to explain the child’s series of issues to a doctor can be difficult. In addition Asperger’s kids can be very high maintenance individuals requiring more time and attention than the typical child which can make parenting overwhelming.

The good news is that Asperger’s is finally being recognized as a neurological illness. Until recently kids with Asperger’s have are often been misunderstood in school and viewed as disciplinary problems, causing many to suffer from low self esteem but the tide is changing.

Finding a good pediatric psychiatrist is vital and the right medication can make all the difference in the world – especially to a struggling child. One good place to learn about Asperger’s is the Asperger’s Association of New England in Watertown, Mass. (www.aane.org).

Add a Comment21 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

It depends on the people around him, whether he will get "worse" or "better". Which is the same exact answer for any child of 5.

If he's surrounded by people who think he's a freak or think that he's "ill" and treat him as such, I would wager a bet that he will get what you think of as "worse". If he is surrounded by compassion, patience, love and understanding and allowed to nurture his unique talents and skills, and helped with those skills that are a bit weaker (as any child) then he will most likely grow better, and stronger, and more confident. As any child would.

Take a 100% normal child (good luck finding that one but hypothetically) and treat him like he's weird and "ill" when he's not. He will develop poorly and he will develop personality disorders and what you call illnesses simply by being treated that way.

There are so many Asperger adults that are not only functional, brilliant and incredible humans, but far outshine the other posters and the original writer of this article in intelligence and life success. Asperger's is NOT an illness. It is NOT something to be saddened by. Tell Bill Gates or Steven Spielberg, Dan Ackroyd, some even say Einstein that you feel sorry for them and they're so "ill" (cough cough, go sit over there by the window of the institution, Einstein, you're so ill and can't do anything)

The original article writer needs an Asperger education, desperatly. Before more harm is done to her child by this attitude.

Read "Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's by John Elder Robison" - a wonderful read that explains quite a bit about Asperger's.

It's been said that Asperger's could be a part of evolution - the human race becoming more intelligent, less emotional. If so, we are not to be pitied but instead the NT (neurotypical) humans would need to up their game in order to keep up.

Try to not over use the label. Try to make your own allowances for the child, help him with areas that are particularly difficult, give him lots of room to be him instead of forcing him into a box that you have designed and predetermined how he has to act. I would try to never even tell anyone that he has anything - at least never in front of him.

I was raised in a very abusive home and Asperger's was the least of my problems. Being Asperger just added to things for me. Getting away from the people who thought less of me (I imagine they may have thought at some time that I was "ill" when I was much healthier than they were mentally and physically), the people who were tasked with loving and nurturing and raising me but failed, was the best thing that I could do. Like John Elder Robison, I shared that need to escape very early into the world.

I've been married for 30 years, have 4 children, have taught college, held corporate programmer jobs and now have my own business. But more importantly than that, I have learned steadily how to interact and how to become more compassionate and more social and more tolerant. Every year I believe I have gotten better in that way.

Example: three years ago I would have deleted this link and never bothered to respond to this article after being told that I'm "ill". Today I stay and talk a bit. :)

Both of my sons are Asperger humans and equally wonderful in different ways. One is very outgoing and successful in a very visible high level job and one is much more withdrawn with very specific niches and talents. Just let them be themselves.

I wonder what he has to teach you? It's good to ask that question daily instead of trying to push the square peg into the round hole.

May 4, 2009 - 11:24am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I appreciate your comment, I am always wondering what kind of adult life my son is going to have. He seems to be getting worse, with aspergers does it always get worse, or is there a point when it will stay put, i am not sure how much more he or i can take. It is a true struggle somedays. Today is his fifth birthday so i made it this far. thanks, Summer

May 4, 2009 - 3:49am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

As an Asperger's adult I take offense to the statement that Asperger's Syndrome is an "illness". We are not ill. I am not sick. I may be wired differently, but I am not sick.

It is convenient to believe that a pill can "fix" this "illness" but it cannot. There are some medications that can help with acute and uncontrollable symptoms, but tread very lightly in doling those out. A person's system is delicate, a child's is more so and an Aperger's child's maybe positively sensitive. Personally ANY medication is too much for me. I have learned to take 1/4 the recommended dosage of any medication if I need it, and only for a ahort time for the specific illness (like an antibiotic. I take no medications daily and NONE whatsoever for anything related to Asperger's).

Acceptance and love and tolerance, nurturing to help the child find his or her niche in life, and helpful workarounds to compensate for weaknesses is a good approach to this wiring difference. Not illness.

May 4, 2009 - 2:08am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Interesting post. I agree with you totally. On another aspect, my take is that asperger's syndrome during the early stages should be attended and no parent should ever forget that.

May 3, 2009 - 10:04pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I highly recommend you check out the Children's Rare Disease Network .

They are combining all of the world's rare disease networks into a single foundation that has the combined voice and influence to begin to address these things. Very good cause.

Ryan Malone
Inside Elder Care
Inside Elder Care

April 23, 2009 - 11:12am

My son was just diagnosed with aspergers, and i am trying to find as many resources to help him with this. For years we were told that he had adhd and bipolar, but nothing was helping him. I have 3 other children, so i am wondering if there is a chance they might have problems also.thanks
Summer

April 23, 2009 - 11:00am
(reply to raynestorm)

Hi raynestorm,

What type of resources are you looking for? Support groups for your son, yourself, your entire family? Professionals to meet with in your town? Books, websites or online communities?

How old is your son, who was diagnosed with aspergers?
Are your other 3 children displaying any of the same signs, or have any signs or symptoms that are troubling you?

Hope to hear back from you soon, and I can help you find information and support.

Take care,
Alison B

April 23, 2009 - 12:35pm

Not sure where to turn to. I have a foster son whom I just adore but he has aspergers, OCD, adhd and then there is the history of abuse that makes him so angry. I love him and want to make his life better but I am just not sure how to do that. I am willing to try anything. Everything is a stuggle, expecially school and homework. I need help!! I am going to meet with a therapist tomorrow to get some pointers but support from other parents going through the same thing would be great if anyone could point me in that directions. Thanks!!
Julia

April 22, 2009 - 7:38pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to seafishingirl)

My best advice can be summarized in the following articles I have written under the name "Aspowerations". While they are written FOR Aspies, Neurotypicals such as yourself can use the same logic to try to figure out how to help others.

http://www.aspieunderground.org/Aspie%20Beacon%20Archive%20I.pdf

http://www.aspieunderground.org/Aspie_Beacon.pdf

http://www.aspieunderground.org/Aspie_Beacon_3.pdf

May 5, 2009 - 9:05pm
(reply to seafishingirl)

Hello. I know exactly how you feel. My son was failing every subject and getting detentions every day. He too was angry and a real handful. Now he's an honor roll student and very personable. Therapy is a step in the right direction but in my opinion it's the medication that's turned my son around. He's on an antidepressant and an ADHD medicine but the biggest change came when he went on Abilify. He became a completely new person. These kids have such a hard time and very few people understand them. It isn't their fault. Finding a child psychiatrist is very important because family doctors don't really understand.
We used to be up until 11 at night arguing and crying about homework and then we got him into a school for kids with Asperger's and they don't even give homework! These kids don't learn like other kids and they have lots of quirks that make day to day living very difficult but once you find someone who understands it makes a world of difference. My son is graduating high school this year and we couldn't be prouder of him. He was headed down a really bad path until we found an advocate and a psychiatrist and his whole world turned around. I can give you the name of a great child psychiatrist but I'm in Massachusetts and I don't know where you are. I strongly suggest you contact AANE. Even if they are too far away they can refer you to someone or some organization that can help you. The organization is where I started and they were fabulous.
Be patient because that poor child is really suffering on the inside and probably doesn't even understand why.
Feel free to contact me anytime and if there's anything I can do to help I'll be happy to.

April 24, 2009 - 2:09pm
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